I always enjoy an opportunity for some creative output; I have been thinking about something post reflections on, maybe the recent death of Irvin Kershner and memories of the Star Wars saga, my love for 1970's and 1980's sci-fi movies and TV, or something else about pop culture. However, perhaps something more personal is fitting. As I have crossed into the early stages of middle age, I have reflected on how my attitudes about things have changed over the years, namely fear.
Probably many of us have an (inborn?) aversion to public speaking (I still can't believe that it is rated higher than death on some surveys). Speaking of death, I recall being scared to such while speaking in front of the class in high school. As I recall it was American Literature with Mrs. Brimmer and I may have read the Robert Frost Poem "The Road Less Taken". Man, I was just so nervous with all of the classic symptoms: racing heart beat, sweaty palms, etc. Looking back at it I can't believe I didn't pass out (maybe that would have been next). It makes me wonder how we are conditioned to feel such feelings and/or whether they are inborn. I assume that reluctance to engage in public speaking is one of the characteristics that may distinguish an introvert from an extrovert. However, introversion/extroversion and sociability are not always congruent. My wife is definitely more of an extrovert than myself, but I'm typically the one more likely to introduce myself to new people at public places. One of the trainers at a library module training referred to me as the very social type and learner, but maybe being a social type isn't such a high hurdle in a group of librarians. :(
Being an introvert I'm not always comfortable putting myself "out there" but I think I have come quite a ways since my high school daze. I tend to enjoy speaking more so in a non-instructional setting as I feel that I can speak more from the heart in such venues. I typically relish the opportunity to do scripture readings and lead moments of prayer in church, introduce songs in band concerts, etc., and I have received very positive responses about such. A long-time member at a previous church said that I exhibited good charisma during some stewardship presentations and that I should give some thought to that.
Some other fears and progressions:
Flying - My first trip on a plane was to travel to Germany. It was in the early 1980's and I was 12. As I recall we took a few stateside connections from Springfield MO prior to making the transatlantic trip. I remember feeling that the Trans International lines Jumbo Jet was so tall that we were already off the tarmac, but that wasn't the case. The feeling of taking off felt very unnatural to me and I locked myself into the chair as much as I could - I'm sure my knuckles were white at the time. I didn't feel much better on the return trip to the States six years later, and I didn't take a plane for 13 years following that. Ironically, the next time I took a plane was for the Bad Kreuznach American High School reunion in Nashville TN, which was a few months prior to the 9/11 tragedies. I didn't feel too comfortable taking a prop plane, aka "puddle jumper", to St. Louis, but prior to the return trip I had prayed to help find some comfort and decided to lay what fears I could by the side. On the return trip I actually looked out the windows by choice and enjoyed it! Ever since then I choose a window seat whenever possible. I realize that accidents can happen at anytime but we might as well enjoy the non-routine things in life. I'm probably not going to be going to space anytime soon - flying is as close as I can get. I'm not embarrassed to say that I silently pray the Lord's Prayer during take off.
Dental work - For the most part I enjoyed going to the dentist as a kid, but early 90's I was supposed to have my wisdom teeth removed. This procedure was going to take place at a army dental office in Ft. Sill OK. Nothing against army doctors or dentists but some were all business and didn't care about patient relations, per se. They gave me "laughing gas" and there must have been four other staff that came in. The feeling from the gas and all of the staff made me feel like a subject on the original Twilight Zone series. Anyway, when my heart rate was a 100 or above they had to call it quits. Sadly to say it took my 10+ years to go to the dentist again. In 2005 I had all of my wisdom teeth removed - all at once which had my mom worried, but hey it didn't seem to take much time and during the recovery at home I was able to watch most of the episodes of The Greatest American Hero season one, which my parents had bought my for Xmas! (A side note that using "X"mas is not a contemporary movement to take Christ out of the mass - if you don't believe me, look it up sometime(preferably on an objective and reliable source), and if that isn't enough, I have an example of its usage from an early 1900's paper that I can post)
Heights - Back in '87 my dad and I walked up to the first level of the Eiffel Tower (the elevators were too crowded or out of order) and it was very tough for me to do so especially coming down on the see through iron grate steps. I still don't like getting on roofs or other structures without a railing or other types of barriers, but I have climbed up the Cordova Tower multiple times (even once while carrying my daughter on my shoulders). I also went up the former Sears Tower this spring. I had the memories of the 9/11 attacks in the back of my head and thought you never know when something could happen, but I also thought you only live once. My next goals for conquering heights is to take the elevator cars up the Jefferson Expansion Memorial, aka St. Louis Arch (I have been to the Arch twice but never up it), and further in the future, revisit the Eiffel Tower.
Large bodies of water - As a kid I was overly embarrassed about those usual kid things: I'm too skinny, too pale, etc. especially to go to the swimming pool. I don't worry so much about the body things particularly since I'm in better shape than many people my age at the pool, but I'm still not very comfortable being in the water. My dad brought my brother and me to the base pool in Ft. Hood a few times. I didn't take lessons when I was a kid (in retrospect I wish that I would have) but I did take a class in college. However, the instructor had to leave halfway through the course on emergency. I still want to take some more lessons. If for no other reason, to do so for my kids. It would make things easier and I'm sure also funner for them. I just hope the lessons are slow and easy - I'm not looking to cross the British Channel anytime soon.
As anyone I still and will always have fears, some small, some big, and I definitely haven't listed all of them here. I consider the ones I have outlined here to be small in the big spectrum - just one small step for me not for all mankind, but making some progress on overcoming fears gives me some hope for current and new challenges. When I shared a draft of this entry with my dad he responded that "Fear based on knowledge is good but so many times it's basis is from the lack of knowledge". I think that is a very wise observation and is a truism to help overcome self-imposed limits with.
P.S. A note that an editorial I read in USA Today earlier this year partly inspired my line of thought for this posting.
Probably many of us have an (inborn?) aversion to public speaking (I still can't believe that it is rated higher than death on some surveys). Speaking of death, I recall being scared to such while speaking in front of the class in high school. As I recall it was American Literature with Mrs. Brimmer and I may have read the Robert Frost Poem "The Road Less Taken". Man, I was just so nervous with all of the classic symptoms: racing heart beat, sweaty palms, etc. Looking back at it I can't believe I didn't pass out (maybe that would have been next). It makes me wonder how we are conditioned to feel such feelings and/or whether they are inborn. I assume that reluctance to engage in public speaking is one of the characteristics that may distinguish an introvert from an extrovert. However, introversion/extroversion and sociability are not always congruent. My wife is definitely more of an extrovert than myself, but I'm typically the one more likely to introduce myself to new people at public places. One of the trainers at a library module training referred to me as the very social type and learner, but maybe being a social type isn't such a high hurdle in a group of librarians. :(
Being an introvert I'm not always comfortable putting myself "out there" but I think I have come quite a ways since my high school daze. I tend to enjoy speaking more so in a non-instructional setting as I feel that I can speak more from the heart in such venues. I typically relish the opportunity to do scripture readings and lead moments of prayer in church, introduce songs in band concerts, etc., and I have received very positive responses about such. A long-time member at a previous church said that I exhibited good charisma during some stewardship presentations and that I should give some thought to that.
Some other fears and progressions:
Flying - My first trip on a plane was to travel to Germany. It was in the early 1980's and I was 12. As I recall we took a few stateside connections from Springfield MO prior to making the transatlantic trip. I remember feeling that the Trans International lines Jumbo Jet was so tall that we were already off the tarmac, but that wasn't the case. The feeling of taking off felt very unnatural to me and I locked myself into the chair as much as I could - I'm sure my knuckles were white at the time. I didn't feel much better on the return trip to the States six years later, and I didn't take a plane for 13 years following that. Ironically, the next time I took a plane was for the Bad Kreuznach American High School reunion in Nashville TN, which was a few months prior to the 9/11 tragedies. I didn't feel too comfortable taking a prop plane, aka "puddle jumper", to St. Louis, but prior to the return trip I had prayed to help find some comfort and decided to lay what fears I could by the side. On the return trip I actually looked out the windows by choice and enjoyed it! Ever since then I choose a window seat whenever possible. I realize that accidents can happen at anytime but we might as well enjoy the non-routine things in life. I'm probably not going to be going to space anytime soon - flying is as close as I can get. I'm not embarrassed to say that I silently pray the Lord's Prayer during take off.
Dental work - For the most part I enjoyed going to the dentist as a kid, but early 90's I was supposed to have my wisdom teeth removed. This procedure was going to take place at a army dental office in Ft. Sill OK. Nothing against army doctors or dentists but some were all business and didn't care about patient relations, per se. They gave me "laughing gas" and there must have been four other staff that came in. The feeling from the gas and all of the staff made me feel like a subject on the original Twilight Zone series. Anyway, when my heart rate was a 100 or above they had to call it quits. Sadly to say it took my 10+ years to go to the dentist again. In 2005 I had all of my wisdom teeth removed - all at once which had my mom worried, but hey it didn't seem to take much time and during the recovery at home I was able to watch most of the episodes of The Greatest American Hero season one, which my parents had bought my for Xmas! (A side note that using "X"mas is not a contemporary movement to take Christ out of the mass - if you don't believe me, look it up sometime(preferably on an objective and reliable source), and if that isn't enough, I have an example of its usage from an early 1900's paper that I can post)
Heights - Back in '87 my dad and I walked up to the first level of the Eiffel Tower (the elevators were too crowded or out of order) and it was very tough for me to do so especially coming down on the see through iron grate steps. I still don't like getting on roofs or other structures without a railing or other types of barriers, but I have climbed up the Cordova Tower multiple times (even once while carrying my daughter on my shoulders). I also went up the former Sears Tower this spring. I had the memories of the 9/11 attacks in the back of my head and thought you never know when something could happen, but I also thought you only live once. My next goals for conquering heights is to take the elevator cars up the Jefferson Expansion Memorial, aka St. Louis Arch (I have been to the Arch twice but never up it), and further in the future, revisit the Eiffel Tower.
Large bodies of water - As a kid I was overly embarrassed about those usual kid things: I'm too skinny, too pale, etc. especially to go to the swimming pool. I don't worry so much about the body things particularly since I'm in better shape than many people my age at the pool, but I'm still not very comfortable being in the water. My dad brought my brother and me to the base pool in Ft. Hood a few times. I didn't take lessons when I was a kid (in retrospect I wish that I would have) but I did take a class in college. However, the instructor had to leave halfway through the course on emergency. I still want to take some more lessons. If for no other reason, to do so for my kids. It would make things easier and I'm sure also funner for them. I just hope the lessons are slow and easy - I'm not looking to cross the British Channel anytime soon.
As anyone I still and will always have fears, some small, some big, and I definitely haven't listed all of them here. I consider the ones I have outlined here to be small in the big spectrum - just one small step for me not for all mankind, but making some progress on overcoming fears gives me some hope for current and new challenges. When I shared a draft of this entry with my dad he responded that "Fear based on knowledge is good but so many times it's basis is from the lack of knowledge". I think that is a very wise observation and is a truism to help overcome self-imposed limits with.
P.S. A note that an editorial I read in USA Today earlier this year partly inspired my line of thought for this posting.
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